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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in faggybutchboi's LiveJournal:

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Monday, January 14th, 2008
10:21 pm
Friday, March 30th, 2007
8:53 am
forge forward
who's in milwaukee? me for forge! i'm so excited i just can't hide it. i'm in the midwest and about to be surrounded by trannys and those who love them.
Wednesday, March 14th, 2007
8:14 pm
top surgery!!!!!
i had top surgery at 9am on tuesday. my chest feels tight and sore. i can't wait to see it, but i have to wait till wenesday before i'm allowed. plus i get to wear these sexy drains until tuesday. they are truly sexy.
Monday, January 8th, 2007
3:09 pm
sorry it's so late but here's the last nookie of fall term
So this is the last issue of fall term, another four months gone with the wind. This also means in less than a month I’ll be back at Antioch. I’m very excited to see all my Antioch friends and meet all the new first years. I hope everyone's term was wonderful. I’m sure next term brings many surprises and great parties.Finger's crossed that we'll have a great spring term.

Today I’m coming out. Now I’m sure you are wondering what I, Niko, could possibly be coming out about this time. I’ve come out as so many different things like being queer, trans, and kinky. Now I’ve talked about this topic before, but not form a personal place. I think my Antioch community will be supportive. So here it goes, I’m a sex worker and have been for almost a year now. Now sex work is a broad term, for me I fall into the porn performer category. Let me tell you a bit about how it all started.

I was in San Francisco, home of the queer and kinky, working and living with my partner Mimi.I had been thinking about wanting to do porn for a while. Then we started talking about wanting to shoot porn together, but didn't want to shoot just any type of porn. We wanted to shoot queer and trans positive porn, porn that appreciated both of our genders and bodies. We wanted to make porn that would make other queer folk hot. We wanted to make real porn, of real people, really fucking and really getting off. So we embarked on this adventure together.

Through some good luck we met Boots, one of the creators of Red Handed Porn (www.redhandedporn.com). Red handed does all solo masturbation scenes with all different types of people. They are very queer and trans friendly (and still looking for models if you are in the Bay area). We talked, with them and each other, and then finally mustered up the courage to call them and set up a time to shoot.

The people from Red Handed were great. They were all friendly, professional, and supportive. There were three of them, each armed with a camera. Well, actually two of them had video camera and one was going to take still photos. They laid down their signature red sheet on our bed (they prefer to shoot in people’s own homes) and asked “who’s first?” Mimi and I looked at each other, nervous and excited, and I finally said “I’ll go.” Ever tried to get off with four people, three cameras, and really fucking hot lights in the room? Let me tell you it was a challenge, though a year later I can honestly say I can cum in a room full of people with cameras and blazing lights. My how we can change in a year.

First there was a quick interview about me, my gender and sexuality, and how I like to get off. Then I was to take my clothes off and get at it. No matter how sex positive you are the first time you bear all for cameras is an intimidated process. As I was taking my clothing off all I could think about was “I hope I can cum. Oh please let me be able to cum.” I lay down on the bed, tried to get comfortable, took a deep breath, and grabbed my vibrator. I figured the sooner I was into it the easier it would be for me to “end” it.

I had a hard time not being distracted by the cameras, my girlfriend, and the people in the room I had just met about 20 minuets ago. Finally I started getting into it. I started thinking how hot it is to be surrounded by people who are there solely for the reason to watch you get off. I began breathing heavier and grabbed my favorite butt plug. I knew I would need all the focus I could get and there is nothing like a butt plug to focus me.

I lubed up and slipped that butt plug into my ass. Now I was ready, ready to cum for my audience. Mimi kept giving me cute smiles of encouragement, which caused me to blush a bit each time. Occasionally I even made eye contact with Boots holding a video camera. I then tensed up and made more noise. Everyone in the room knew I was about to cum. A video camera was pointed at my face, the other at my boy cunt, as I rubbed myself harder and harder with my vibrator until I came nice and hard. A sense of warm, orgasmic relief washed over me. There were smiles all around, mine being the biggest of all.

This process was liberating. Afterwards it took me a while to put clothes back on. I was instantly so comfortable after the shoot. It also boosted my self image. It made me feel really fucking sexy and made me really hot. I had ,y first taste of porn and I liked it.

This was my first porn experience and is only the beginning. Next term I plan to delight your senses with tales of my lustful adventures. From BDSM, to porn, to group sex, I plan to titillate you from beginning to end. See you next term Antioch!
Thursday, December 28th, 2006
8:14 pm
1 year, hooray!
today is my one year on T. happy anniversary to me!
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
3:53 pm
My return to Ohio
I'll be home on the 24th until the 3rd when I go back to Antioch. I want to see you all. Email me or call me and let's get together.

On another note:

I'd really love to bring the Sex Worker's Art Show (www.sexworkersartshow.com) to Antioch. Problem is we don't really have the funds. Any ideas? I'm into collaborting with other schools. Really anything to get them near Antioch would make me happy.

Thanks


niko
Thursday, December 7th, 2006
11:18 pm
Transitioning, part two
This week I bring you part two of my reflection on my current transition via the hormone testosterone. I will be focusing on the mental and emotional aspects over the physical ones this time. I also want to mention that this column is coming completely from my own perspective. There are many trans people out there, all with different experiences. I do not wish to speak for the entire trans community here, only myself. Enjoy!

Nothing in the world could have prepared me for the past year. My world has been turned upside down. I’ve spent 21 years “passing” as a woman and now I’m “passing” as a man. It’s been liberating, but also a serious mind fuck. I have watched myself change, and in turn, watched everyone else change towards me. I have assumed male privilege, but also moved into the trans minority. I have some heterosexual privilege, despite always wanting to come off as queer. This is a very strange to acquire at the age of 22.

My idea of my gender is that it's fluid. I grew up a woman. I was socialized as a woman. I am proud to have that past. I love my female body. I just wanted things to look a bit different, but I didn't necessarily want to be a man. You know how you look in the mirror and think “oh I wish such and such part was different?” Well I did this, but my ideal change was to look more like a boy. All in all I just wanted to see the Niko I feel I see in the mirror. My transition is not female to male, but my biological body to my personally perceived body. Furthermore my idea of myself is a female body with an outward male appearance. I enjoy my body in a gender fucking state. Taking T was me deciding to modify my body to achieve that which I desired. Granted it’s bit more drastic than a tattoo or piercing, but at its core I see it as a form of body modification.

Honestly I feel the most genderqueer I have ever felt. My sex and gender are drastically different from each other and that's what I love about my body. I don't really like being viewed as a man now even though I realized that would eventually happen if I started T. I know that people will see me as a man now, but that wasn't my goal. The other day someone recognized me as a trans person. It felt great. While I don’t need everyone walking down the street to know I do like it when my community (the queer and trans community) can i.d. me as a tranny boi. On another note I personally don't ever think I'll be able to call myself a man. I'm a boi. I am a genderfucker. I am a trans person. My body is not a man's and not a woman's. My gender is not male or female, but trans. I like it that way.

My sexuality is different too. I have to relearn what it’s like to be a guy trying to pick up guys, or a guy trying to pick up women. So far I’ve found it’s a bit different than my previously dyke identified self. I’m scared that dating and sex will be a lot harder now. I don’t quite live up to what people want when they want a man. While some insecurities have gone away, others have appeared. I lack the same type of cocks that bio boys have. I do have a cock, but people have to be willing to think outside the normal gender boxes. On top of this I’m not interested in having my body look total male, which can be hard for people to understand. While I love my body now and I’m nervous about many things. So much is new territory now and I have to figure out these things all again.

Emotionally I don't feel like I've changed much. I do cry easier now. Isn't that funny? Not that I expected, or wanted, to take T and become an emotionally barren wasteland. I just didn't quite expect to be more sensitive to crying. It’s actually nice to be able to cry. I felt more devoid of emotion prior to taking T. I feel more confident and am enjoying my new changes. I don’t really feel like I get any more angry or aggressive now. I really feel much the same as I did before. I’m just happier with my body.

Now the biggest mind fuck; being socialized as a man. Again let me reiterate that I do not identify as a man, but since we live in a world where you fit into either male or female I have fallen into the male box. I have the rare opportunity to transition into “manhood” at 22. I can be mindful of what behaviors I choose to exhibit. The last thing I want to do is become a misogynist asshole, especially when I come from womanhood. I know better and I want to be better. There are so many fucked up things men do, granted a lot of this is socialized. This is the most I’ve ever paid attention to men. I look at their mannerisms, their bathroom “code,” how they interact with their friends, and everything else. There is so much to learn, and so much I don’t ever want to learn. I check in with myself and others often. It’s amazing to rediscover people from a different angle. I try hard to pass as a gay boy in everyday life and a tranny fag in the queer community. I can’t imagine myself not being some sort of queer.


So what do I really think about gender? I think it’s all a bunch of bullshit that we (being the mainstream) get really hung up on. Does it really matter if I’m a boy or a girl? Does it really matter than as a male looking person I feel that most comfortable I ever have expressing my femme side? Does it really matter that my cock is less than two inches, but still a cock? Does it matter than I am a trans person and not a “normal” person? Does it matter that when I wear pink now I get called a “lady?” I’m so tired of trying to label myself, for others and for myself. Since coming out at 12 I’ve identified as 7 or 8 different things. The only thing I’ve figure out is that it’s going to change again. So why waste the time figuring out a label? I’m just a person, just like anyone else, who wants to relate to other people. To me my gender and sexuality is rather irrelevant and so is the gender and sexuality of the people I choose to spend time with.

Happy Holidays Antioch! I look forward to coming home and seeing all of you.
11:17 pm
Transitioning, part one
So last week something wonderful and shocking happened for the first time. I looked into the mirror and saw a boy. It taken me almost a year on testosterone to get here. Granted I have been "passing" as a boy for many months, but this was the first time I thought I actually looked like a boy. . It was kind of a mind fuck. 22 years of looking in the mirror and seeing a girl. Now , all of the sudden, I see a boy looking back at me. It's exciting and terrifying all at once.

As many of you may know I decided to start taking testosterone about year ago. This was a big decision, as I would be changing my body permanently if I decide to start. Some of the effects of testosterone would go away if I stopped, but the hair growth, clitoral growth (yea, clitoral growth) and voice change are permeant. Despite recently seeing a boy I in the mirror I still feel much like I did when I made this decision. I never felt much like a girl, but I also wasn't convinced I was a boy. I did know I wasn't happy with my body and felt confused. Honestly I wasn't 100% sure that taking T was the right thing to do, but I knew something had to change. Now I'm glad I started T.

T has made crazy things happen. The first few months can be summed up with one word: HAIR. I had no idea the difference in body hair between men and women. Well, I do now. I don't have a hairless spot on my legs. Even when I didn't shave I did have much hair from the knee up. , that is no longer the case. I have a happy trail that goes to the middle of my chest. I have more hair on my arms and a few scraggly whiskers on my face. I'm even sporting some pretty rad chin hairs. I'm actually the only one who likes them, but when you spend 11 months trying to grow them you get excited easily. I do know I don't have near enough hair to actually have any sort of convincing facial hair. It can take up to 5 years or longer for trans guy's facial hair to fill in. So I guess I'll have to see what my genetics give me.

Another issue that I had when I started T was my mood. I started taking my T every 2 weeks. Needless to say this cycle and my body did not get along. 2 to 3 days before my next shot I would have intense mood swings and be very irritable. My partner and roommates were lucky to get out alive. Hormones are no joke. Luckily I was able to change cycles and taking my shot every tens days now. Thankfully everything has smoothed out.

On top of that my voice dropped dramatically. II squeaked and cracked like a 15 year old boy for about 5 months. Try being a professional when you sound, and look, like a 15 year old boy. Finally my voice settled out. I never get female pronouns on the phone anymore. The other amazing thing is that my clitoris is now huge, no joke. Taking testosterone gives your clitoris the ability to increase in size dramatically. Now it's not like a penis, but it's enlarged probably 50 times the size it was before. Actually lit looks like a tiny penis, but without the balls. If i had been born with a clit this size doctors would have removed it and possibly deemed me intersex., since my size of a clitoris is considered abnormal.

Now some of you may be wondering on how one take testosterone. s It's easy, you take a two inch needle and slowly slide it straight down into your thigh. Testosterone is usually injected intramuscularly. Which means you need a pretty big needle. Not to mention that testosterone is a very thick drug which you must inject slowly. I still remember the first shot I gave myself. I went in to the doctor for them to show me how to inject myself. Up to this point I was just looking at the needles with utter fear. , since I had my script for a week before my date with the doctor. She taught me how to draw the syringe up and then told me how to inject. I took a deep breathe and slide the needled into my leg. It must have taken 30 seconds for me to get it all the way in and another 30 to push the T into my system. Remarkably it didn't hurt very much at all. Once you pierce the skin all you feel is pressure. Since then I've done 29 more times. It's almost sick how easy it's become.

Recently my body has changed drastically. My shoulders, face, and hips have changed. immensely. I dropped 4 pant sizes. It's remarkable. Last week I was trying on women's pants and I now wear the smallest size of women's pants I ever have. , an 8. I had to call my girlfriend to freak out. The drastic shift in size, due to the T I'm taking, is rather overwhelming. My shoulders have broaden and become more muscular. Then within two weeks time my face lost some it's fat and became more angular. I actually noticed this because one side of my face became angular as the other hadn't yet. In just a few days my face "evened" out.

So what's next?

Who knows how my body will continue to change on T. I do know that I will be having top surgery (i.e. get rid of my breasts). I have scheduled my surgery date for my birthday this March. The surgeon will remove all breast tissue and create a more male like nipple and overall chest. This will cost me a lot of money! Though after a few months my chest will look like another other guys'. This also means no binder ever again., which is my number one reason for surgery. They are hot, expensive, and make it hard to breathe. Not to mention I'd like to be able to swim without 50 layers on.

I hope you've enjoyed a look into my last 11 months of intense changes. Next week is the satire issue, but the following week I will bring you part two of this story; the things going on in my head about transiting and what I really think about my gender.

See you next week Antioch!
Monday, November 6th, 2006
10:43 am
queer animals
As a science geek and sex nerd I am so very excited to bring you this week's topic. But first, I want to take a moment and dedicate this column to the wonderful Dr. Jill Yager (Antioch's own super hero science professor and cave diver), who always supports my efforts in science and sex. There's no doubt Antioch will miss you
.
Now to the sex. We are going to spend some time talking all about gay animals this week. The science of sex. Animals are fascinating and can tell us much about us as humans. They have lived on this earth much longer than we have. Therefore homosexuality has existed for thousands of years. Queers exist everywhere in all types of animals, humans included, just look at Antioch. Queermos everywhere!

Now on to the science. Recently the Oslo Natural History Museum opened an exhibit called Against Nature? This exhibit features all different species of animals living in queer relationships or involved i n queer sex. The exhibit aims to challenge the idea that homosexuality in unnatural. I'm glad to see someone provoking some thought around queerness. I think it's just silly people haven't figured out it has to do with nature. At least that's what I think. Oh, and people who like the challenge authority.

Many animal s not only engage in queer sex, but even parent in queer couples. I'm sure many of you heard about the boy penguins who were mates in NYC's Central Park Zoo.They were even given an egg to raise together. Penguins have very high rates of same sex couples. They build nests, sometimes mate for life, and will even adopt a rock as their egg replacement. Flamingos will also parent eggs in male couples. Research shows that this is advantageous because two male Flamingos can defend more territory than a female and male partnership can. Thus meaning they can raise more offspring, in a larger space, and better support their species growth.

Dolphins have also been seen engaging in queer sex. The great things about dolphins is that, along with humans and the bonobos, they have sex for pleasure. Most animals don't necessarily have sex for pleasure but these three do and there is research to prove it. Bonobos are highly sexual primates living to wildly fuck all the time. The other fascinating thing about animals is that they engage in many of the same activities, the good and the bad,s as humans do. Animals have been observed participating in cross-species sex (a sort of bestiality), masturbation, fetishes, enjoying sexual images, rape, coercive sex, pedophilia, necrophilia, monogamy, polygyny, and promiscuity. So in some ways all of these things are natural. We, as humans, have just decided some of these are not acceptable and rightfully so.

I think that the fact queerness is deemed unnatural if fucking ridiculous. We forget sometimes that humans are part of the animal kingdom, thus subject to the same animal behaviors as other species. If gay sex is noted among many of the social species (mammals, marine birds, etc) then why would it be consider unnatural in another social species (humans)? Giraffes actually have 9 times as many homosexual experiences than heterosexual ones. Imagine is humans had the same experience. Things would be a bit different, huh?

I believe and science knows procreative and queer sex is natural among animals. There are many debates on why animals engage in homosexuality. Such as it decreases aggression amongst the same species of animal, pheromones, hormones, or even a form of population control. I think in humans it has to do with being horny. Queers just do it better. and who doesn't want to be a part of that?

Another amazing phenomenon in the animal kingdom is the ability of changing sex. Many animals have the ability to alter their sex based on the need for one sex over the other (i.e. a shortage of males will cause some of them to shift sex to females procreate). Some animals even change sex when they age. Remember Finding Nemo? I loved this movie and was upset to find it was based on scientifically incorrect information.It's all a lie.See the problem is all clown-fish are born male and become female as adults.There are no adult males. Therefore Marlin, Nemo's dad, would not been able to exist. Damn Disney!

I'll leave you with some sites for further inquire. Science is a beautiful thing.

http://www.narth.com/docs/animalmyth.html

This site links you to NARTH. They are some serious jackasses. Stupidity at it's finest. They are the National Assiocaiation of Reasearch on Homosexuality. Very anit-gay and offensive. This is their page on animal homosexuality and how queer sex in humans is still unatural. I think it's always good to see what the other "side" is doing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_sexuality#Homosexual_behavior

Wiki is always your friend. Don't believe all you read, but it's a great orgy of information.

Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity by Bruce Bagemihl

This a book on the science of homosexuality in animals. I hear it's a great read.
Saturday, October 28th, 2006
9:18 pm
Finally the newest nookie with niko
All the kids in my elementary school knew that when you finally made it to the sixth grade you'd get learn about sex. I was waiting with great anxiety and anticipation for the sixth grade to come, as were many of my classmates. Sex was on my mind, not wanting it, but wanting to know about it. What I knew was based on rumor and my mother's nervous attempt.

I remember that fateful first day, sitting my desk as we started sex education class. I was 12, going on 13. I didn't know what was going on in terms of my sexuality as I'm sure many do. I always liked all types of people, but that didn't fit this heterosexual model in front of me.

On first day the teacher divided the class into boys and girls. This division was so girls could have "privacy" and be taught about our periods without the boys, and so they didn't have to deal with that information. Boys didn't need to know about the female body. Getting your period was not something we talked about much in school or in our own lives, especially around boys. We didn't talk about anything beside heterosexual sex and we didn't talk about protection. Moral of the class, no pre-marital sex and if you wait there is no reason to use any form of protection.Since it will be between husband and wife. Seems to me that much was left out, problem is that no one at 12 usually knows the difference, at least where I grew up, everyone thought the same way. Oh and yeah, sex always mean penis in vagina, Plus only boys can have penises and girls with vaginas. Let me be the first to say I am a boi with a cunt and damn proud of that.

So it began, a few more years of confusion.

Though before all this my mom valiantly tried to have the sex conversation with me. I was younger than my sex ed days, maybe 10. She tried, but she acted and seemed very awkward . I sure was, but who wouldn't be when your mother tells you "something" gets hard and then you put it inside you." Sex sounds so strange, then you cum and it changes everything.

My mom and for a lot of parents talking about sex to their kids is hard. It's not any easier for the teachers/ Sexuality has been suppressed, therefore making everyone feel rather uncomfortable talking about it. Though there is a strong sex positive community, especially in the queer community, out there now and many more people are pushing for comprehensive sex education.We owe it to the youth of the world to arm them with the facts and accessibility to latex.We owe it to ourselves to talk about sex.

Then came the tenth grade we had another go at sex education. This time it was a bit more detailed, but surely didn't not mention anything about queers or non-vanilla sex did watch an hour of the sexually transmitted infections and their effect s. They even briefly mentioned condoms, wow. We did talk about gay men's risk of HIV, but no one else's. Apparently they thought anal sex is the only way to pick up HIV and we all know that only gay men have anal sex. I came name ten people I know, who are not gay men, who love ass fucking. Matter of the fact I love ass sex. One should still play safe, but people should open up their minds and their asses.

This assumption was not based in reality, this was based on morality It was homophobia.. You should be straight and remain a virgin until marriage. I couldn't even choose to wait to marriage, since queers can;t marry. Not that I'd want to marry.

So how did I get here? I would hope it's clear that I don't buy the abstinence bit. I love having sex. I love talking about sex. I love learning about sex. Point blank, I just love everything about sex. Queerness saved me! Queerness has shaped my sexuality, sex ed had not. Queerness taught me how to communicate, play safe, and be open to all my different attractions.

This week's column was meant to be a reflection on abstinence only education. I went through it, as many of you have as well. I encourage you to learn and support others learning and growth around sex. We are all better prepared if we have the facts. Stay sex positive Antioch!

Oh, and have some rough nasty hot and consensual sex!



Resources on abstinence only education

http://www.scarleteen.com/

Scarlet Teen is a great website with accurate information of sexuality and safer sex. It's geared toward someone in their teenage years. This is a great place to sent younger brother and sister if they are looking for more information


http://www.sexisforfags.com/ and http://www.ironhymen.com/

These sites are a mockery of abstinence only programs. They offer testimonials on how well each program has worked. They are a humorous insight to the abstinence only world. A bit over the top, but not all of it is inaccurate.


http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/sexeducation.htm

This page is a great resource on the facts about sex education. Written for youth from people who know youth want and need the facts.
9:17 pm
almost to the most recent one...
Hi again and welcome! This week I bring you a reprint of my column last term on transgender and genderqueer people and sex. I think this topic is important and I wanted our new community members to have access to this information.

As a self identified genderqueer trans guy this issue is near an dear to my little tranny boi heart. I want to remind everyone that every trans person is different. I cannot represent everybody. I will do my best to provide you an accurate overview and some personal insight. Thanks and enjoy!

So, what do you do when the person you are interested in is trans? Here at Antioch we want to do our best support people's identities and treat people well. We do our best to not fuck up pronouns, but it's even more important to hold yourself accountable if you are sleeping with a trans person.

Firsts it's important to talk about how we ask questions. What is appropriate and inappropriate to ask? Here a few personal examples of bad questions to ask:

How big are your breasts/cock?
So you are really a woman/man, right?

Good questions to ask are:

What pronoun do you prefer?
What do you like in bed?

It's scary when the other person's questions are only about your body, not your body AND you. It's called exoticfication, it doesn't feel good. The best thing you can do is treat the person like a person, not a piece of meat. Make sure you are interested in the person, not just the identity.

There are a lot of body considerations when it comes to trans people. It's important to ask what places are off limits. Some transwomen don't ever use their biological parts, same with transmen. Some still love to have them touched. Some always wear a dick, some don't. Everyone is different. It's also important ask how each body part should be touched. For example:

Only touch me above the nipple line
Don't cup my breasts

Don't be afraid, this is so important for a trans person comfort. It's also very SOPP friendly.

A lot of us have different names for our body parts. Here are come examples, at least for the transmasculine spectrum, I have complied from talking with friends:

Man Titties
Man breasts
Man goods
Boy hole (my personal favorite)
Man pussy

For all trans people it's important to validate their bodies, much like you validate their identity. Treat transwomen's bodies as female. Treat transmen's bodies as male. Tell her how hot her curves are, or that she's got beautiful breasts. When in doubt ask! Yes, it's intimidating. But I would much rather haver that discussion outside the sheets rather than in them.

It's also useful to reinterpret how you see body parts. Yeah, I may have been born with a cunt and a clit. But it's my boyhole and cock now. This is how I view my body and expect my partners to respect this. It's about changing how you see things. These terms may also change with time, so check in.

Another thing to consider is a person level of transition. Hormones change your body a lot and affects your comfort level. In my situation, my girlfriend, Mimi has watched me change in way no one else has or ever be able to. She stands by my side and has to deal with all the changes too. She supports me and encourages me. So please be supportive of your trans fuck buddies or partners. It's is also important that we, as trans people, are supportive of how our partners are feeling about things too. For those of us new to hormones our body is in a constant start of transition This is an intense thing for all parties involved.

Not to mention a person's body perception changes a lot. It took me a lot longer to believe I look liked boy than it did for most of the people in my life. It took me forever to get used to Niko and male pronouns. I've gone by Nikki and she for 20 years, it's weird when that shift happens. Amazing but strange. COmmunication and support are the two best things you can do to negotiate sex between you and a trans person, as with anyone. Now to my partner, Mimi Lester.....


Hi all and welcome to the partner-portion of Nookie with Niko. My name is Mimi and some of you might remember me from my brief stint as an Antioch Student in Fall ’05. But now on to what we all care about- how to have sex with a trans person.

I think first and foremost, the bottom line is communication. Communication is probably the most overused word in sex advice articles- but it’s true. You should be able to ask your lover what he/she likes and wants, and respect that, regardless of their sex or gender. Of course, if you are sleeping with a partner regularly, over time you will learn what is and isn’t okay, but at first keep it simple and don’t make assumptions (the same could be said for pronoun usage, gender identity, the list goes on and on).

The most valuable thing I’ve learned about sex and bodies is that the fetus starts out in the same form, regardless of its future sex. As the fetus matures, the extra X or Y chromosome takes affect, testosterone and estrogen are added to the mix, and the genitalia begin to develop towards one end of the spectrum. The binary “male” and “female” are actually just the two farthest ends of a spectrum that has many in-betweens.

The point of all this is that a word is only a word. A clit is what happens to the tip of the penis if there’s no Y chromosome in the fetus. Testes are essentially ovaries; there is a female equivalent to the prostate (called Skene’s gland!). What this means is that whatever your trans partner wants his/her genitals called, they will essentially perform the same function. If you can get over the idea that a clit is a clit is a clit, then anything can be what you call it.

Of course, playing with toys can be a great addition to any sex life, and may enhance the idea of “traditional notions” of what a cock is. I’ve compiled a list of Strap-On Blowjob tips from Sex Toys 101: A Playfully Uninhibited Guide, written by Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah, to get
you started.

-Use a realistic cock… For decent dick sucking you need a sexy number with a clearly defined shaft and head and veins and balls if possible.
-Think psychic dick. Although it’s not a flesh and blood penis, your mind can have a hard on that’s as raging as anyone else’s.
-Do it somewhere nasty
-Put on a good visual show. When you’re sucking, remember that your playmate is getting off largely on imagination.
-Use your hand to push the base of the dick into the blowjob receiver’s pelvis
-If you can deep throat, do it
-Treat the dildo like a real penis
-If you like using condoms… show-off that safe sex trick in which you roll the condom off with your mouth
-A finger in the ass is a potentially mind blowing complement for receivers of any gender
9:16 pm
there's even two more
Hello. .Before I my start my over-sexed advice column I'd like to take a moment to thank Danny Solis. He took the the time to post a beautifully written letter on Pulse, even after moving away and graduating. Danny was a leader in this community, it's good to see him still involved. We need more people to set it up. I'd also like to thank those having a dialogue about it. So many people are afraid to voice their opinions now, but it's what we've got to fight with. We, the staff, students, and faculty, are Antioch. It our responsibility to preserve our college. Not to mention we are in a crucial point in our history and we have the chance to shape that. Step up, fight back, and hold on to the Antioch that the generations know and love.

Okay, okay onto the sex...

This week I bring you scary sex urban legends and rumors, and the truth behind them in celebration of Friday the 13th. As someone born on the 13th and had many wonderful birthdays on this so called unlucky day I hope to use this as a time to dispel the myth of danger that will ensue on the 13th. I understand the creepiness, but it seems to me our society perpetuates fear of Friday the 13th. Paraskevidekatriaphobics is the name for those irrationally afraid on Friday the 13th. Yeah they even have their own name. Did you know that some building even leave out a 13th floor? The 13th is considered a creepy number all over. Before I get carried away here cum the top 8 sex urban legends!

#8
Male bodied people getting pregnant? Ever seen the movie Junior? It's a comedy about Arnold, California's governor,, who gets knocked up. I'm sorry but I just don't think he could actually handle it. This well known hoax traveled through cyber space and fooled thousands. Thought they aren't considerate enough to say male bodied over men. Check out www.malepregnancy.com to get the full scoop. The site is pretty convincing, but still a fake. Needless to say male bodies can't get pregnant, yet. Maybe one day, but for now only female bodied people can carry children.

#7
May I have your attention please! Ogling breast does NOT increase men's life spans. An email referencing a fake article in the New England Journal of Medicine started going around in 2000. The article spoke of study that confirmed that men who ogle breast have increased life spans. Come on, couldn't they think of a better way to make this behavior seem okay? Needless to say it wasn't too hard to figure out it was a fake. The email can be found at:
http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/weekly/aa072600a.htm?once=true&

#6
I heard lots of bad ideas about different types of contraceptives, like reusing condoms. Though this one is about Mountain Dew. Yeah that super sugary Pepsi product. Apparently sugar and caffeine can keep you from getting pregnant. If that was true you would think my two cups of coffee in the morning would do the trick. The idea is that Mountain Dew decreases men's sperm count Thus making pregnancy impossible. It's only take one sperm to get someone pregnant. This one's been around since the 90's. I know I heard it growing up. Millions of youth and young adults actually bought this. Here's another blaring reason to have comprehensive sex education in high schools. But that's a whole other rant.

#5
Another internet rumor was about getting head. A rumor popped up claiming that women who suck cock on a regular basis have lower rates of breast cancer. So basic idea is women get out there suck a lot of cock, now! Obviously this and the breast article was written by men. Another fucked up way to justify objectifying and using women. I heard this rumor in school and different variations, such as semen is very healthy for you. When it comes to giving and getting great head the only benefits is reduced stress, pleasure, and hopefully an orgasm. Personally I think those are more than enough.

#4
Did you happen to see the fake Puma ads that came out a while ago? Check them out. This sprung up and caused quite a ruckus.

Nice shoe's, but what's that on your leg?

(INSERT JPG blah1 and blah2)

#3 People love their butts. People love sticking things in their butts. Despite there being a big anal taboo, many people love to stick things in their assholes. If there is one thing I hope people will learn is that if you are going to put anything in your butt it MUST have a flared base. The anus will literally suck in a toy, and you'll have no way of getting it out without going to the doctor. Despite many rumors doctors have found over 140 different objects inside people's asses. Such as light bulbs, plantains, curling irons, baseballs, shampoo bottles, a cattle horn, a frozen pig's tail, and a tobacco pouch.

For the sick and twisted perverts, like me, who want to see the whole list go to:
http://www.well.com/user/cynsa/newbutt.html

#2
Would you believe it if someone told you that there are actual people fighting against breast-feeding? Stating it's an "incestual and immoral perversion." At least a good portion of America bought this prank. Could you imagine? Seems to me we have better things to rally against, especially at Antioch.

#1
Masturbation will make you go blind or grow hair on your palms. Who hasn't heard these rumors. For the record this is absolutely not true. Masturbation is great and healthy, everyone should do it all the time. Literally. Maybe Antioch would be a better place if people just got off more often!

See you next week!
9:15 pm
sorry for the delay
Hello everyone. I hope fall term is treating you well. I need your questions. I am happy to just fill the pages with sex information, but I'd rather be answering your question. I know that there are lots of horny first years out there, please submit questions. No one even has to know, you did it, just drop it in the Record box.

This week I bring you an issue all about safer sex. I know that everyone at Antioch has been through the SOPP training., which talks about safer sex. Safer sex is a big part of the SOPP. Safer sex is great sex. Despite that it seems we all talk about safer sex, but what does that really mean? Many people have many different ideas about what is “safe” to them and what isn’t. I am here to bring you the facts. You get to decide what amount t of risk is okay with you. Well you and your partner. The bottom line is there is always some risk with sex, but you can do much to reduce that risk.

Below you will find many different sexual activities divided by risk level:

HIGH RISK
Unprotected cunt licking during menstruation
Unprotected ass fucking
Unprotected pussy pounding

MEDIUM RISK
Unprotected cunt or asshole licking
Unprotected cock sucking
Sharing sex toys
Finger(s)or hand(s) in a cunt or ass

LOW RISK
French kissing
Hand jobs
Mutual masturbation
Any protected penetration
Any protected oral sex

NO RISK
Tribadism ((dry humping)
Fantasy (you mind is the best sex partner and toy you will ever have, use it)
Masturbation
Solo sex toy play
Phone & computer sex

So now that you know what is more risky and what is less risky, what are you at risk for?

Sexually transmitted disease like Herpes, HIV, Hepatitis B & C, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Chlamydia,, and Genital Warts. Pregnancy may also be a risk factor. HIV is rising fast in communities of color, especially women ages 15-24. Not to mention that 2/3 of occurrences if STI's are in people ages 25 or younger. Getting an STI can make you sick, infertile, and/or cause much pain and discomfort. The easiest thing you can do to prevent this is get tested and use latex. The Greene County health offer full STI service for 10 bucks. They can be reached at (937)374-5655. HIV testing also is offered for free on campus, keep your eye out for the signs.

So let's cover the 5 basic forms of latex :

condoms
gloves
dental dams
female condoms
finger cots


The wonderful thing about Antioch is that condoms, gloves, and dental dams can always be found around Antioch. Your CG fees pay for them, so use them. They should be in your bathrooms. If not, visit CG they will be happy to supply you with all of your safer sex needs.

Another key to safer sex is lube. Lube makes everything slide easier and feel nicer. Not to mention a drop of lube put into a condom before it's rolled on will give the person wearing it much more sensation.


Now that we've talked a bit about what is risky and how you can protect yourself. How do you decide what is an okay risk and what isn’t to you? The relationship has a lot to do with how you should make this decision. Personally I am fluid-bonded with my partner, so we don’t use any latex because we are both tested regularly and not going to accidentally get pregnant. Now when either of us sleeps with someone else we always use the full gamut of latex. So the need to use protection, against STIs, is less if you are in a monogamous relationship and you both have been tested. Still safer sex is about what makes you and your partner comfortable. If someone try to talk you out of using protection it might be better to not play with them at all.

Pregnancy is still a concern for some people and I highly recommend some form of birth control. Condoms are the easiest way. A lot of birth control methods really affect the women’s bodies in negative ways, others love them. Condoms are the best way to protect your self against pregnancy without any hormonal intervention. The withdrawal method is not reliable, while the chance of actually getting pregnant is low, it can still happen. It’s much more likely that you will get pregnant if you are using withdrawal as your method of birth control.

Now the most important part. How does one make safer sex sexy? I think people are always afraid that latex will ruin the mood. Well here are some tips that will surely not ruin anything:

Roll the condom on the dildo or cock with your mouth. This is a very hot effect.

See what types of noise you can get your gloves to make as you slide them on. You could even try snapping the latex on your partner's skin. (condoms will break, so use dams and gloves for this)

Try some flavor lube to spice things up and not taste latex all night (or day)

Try using a garter belt to hold that dental dam down

Above all flaunt your safer sex gear. Nothing is hotter than someone who plays safe and isn't afraid to show off their goods.

Good luck and play safe. Until next week when I bring you creepy tales of sex gone bad...
Thursday, September 14th, 2006
8:52 pm
A new term, which means more nookie with niko
Welcome back to another beautiful fall term everyone. Too bad I'm not there, but I think I'll manage in the city that never sleeps. For me that because of all the sex I'm having. A big hello to all of our new community members, the first years. Enjoy your term, fall term is always fun. Fight the good fight and support your community and your wonderful CG (Levi B., Melody, and Hope).

Anyways I'm Niko, your friendly over sexed sexpert. I'm queer. I'm trans. I'm kinky and I am a SFSI certified sex educator (www.sfsi.org). I am currently off on co-op in the grand old city of New York. Last term I had the privilege of being Antioch's sex expert. I am proudly returning this term, via the big city, to provide you sex advice. Occasionally you'll hear from my partner, Mimi. She is also a SFSI certified sex educator. It's good to have different opinions.

Feel free to send me questions. I'll do my best to answer them all in a honest, accurate, funny and vulgar way. Any topic is fair game. Feel free to be as kinky as you want to be. Drop me and email or put your questions in the Record box at community meeting.

For the term's first issue I have been asked to focus on our community's values. Specifically the Sexual Offense Prevention Policy and what it means to live in a sex positive community. These are not only words on a piece of paper. It's how we choose to lives our lives. I, for one, think we better of because of it.

Learn to love the SOPP. Live it, breathe it, do it. Not just because it's part of Antioch's community standards, but because you want to be a sex radical. Trust me, we have better sex than everyone else. The real reason to love the SOPP is that it teaches you to love yourself and others. The SOPP is about respect, for yourself and your partner. It's important to always respect yourself and your partner, especially when it comes to sex. Whether it's a fuck buddy or your partner of years you deserve to feel safe and respected.

So how do you respect your partner or partners?

COMMUNICATION!

I know people sometimes think the SOPP asks too much or that it's awkward to ask each step of the way but it's worth it. Once you try you'll be surprised how easy it really is. Anyways it's not a good idea to just "think" something is ok with someone, or worse believe it's okay because you are fucked up on some sort of something. Assumptions make an ass out of you and I. I know you have all heard this before, so don't do it. Who wants to wake up the next morning and feel violated or that they violated someone, no one. Be safe, talk, talk, talk!

So how does one talk about sex?

Yeah, it can feel awkward and honestly most of us haven't been given the skills to talk about sex effectively. Sex education is shit. Now is your chance to work on those skills and learn more about your body and sex. First start by making a list of what you are not okay with someone doing to you, aka your boundaries. I realize this can vary person to person, but having a general list is useful.

Is it okay if they suck your cock?
Is it okay if they fuck your ass, but not your pussy?
Is it ok for them to kiss you?

Figure out your NO's. Now think about what you are okay with doing to someone.

Do you love rimming, but won't lick someone's balls?
Do you not like licking pussy (though who doesn't,)?
Do you not like people to cum on you?

Your boundaries are important. They should be talked about. Don't let someone pressure you out of a boundary. If they do it's a good sign that you shouldn't have sex with them. Also talk about what sex means to you. Everyone has a different definition, especially with all the kink at Antioch. You don't want to miscommunicate about a BDSM scene, but that's a whole other topic. Please feel free to make this sexy. Talking about sex can make you wet and hard. It can be amazing foreplay!

Another vital aspect of the SOPP is safer sex! Everyone has a different idea of safer sex. To me it means dental dams, condoms, gloves and so on with anyone who isn't my primary partner. Though together we don't use anything, we are fluid bonded. I have assessed my risk levels and made a decision based on what makes my partner and I comfortable. I do recommend condoms especially for any type of penetration, since this is the activity with the highest rates of sexually transmitted infection transfer. It's especially high with ass sex. So unless it's a silicone dildo fucking your ass please wrap it up. It's always a good idea to use lots of latex and talk about with your partner before you get naked. It's easier then.

5 good rules for hot safe and consensual sex:

1. Respect yourself and your partner always
2. Communicate about your boundaries
3. Communicate what safer sex means to you
4. Communicate about what sex means to you
5. And above all NO always means NO

Now what the hell does it mean to live in a sex positive community?

Being sex positive means being committed to sex education and activism. It means being open to the ideas of BDSM, polyamory, queerness, trans issues, celibacy, safe sex, and so on. In a sex positive community anything goes as long as it's safe, fun, and consensual. When it comes down to it if a person is happy with what they are doing, or not doing, free from pressure all is good. To me being sex positive also includes working for the rights of sex workers. These people are prostitutes, porn stars, escorts, exotic dancers, pro dommes, phone sex workers, and the list goes on. They all sell sex in some way, shape, or form. They aren't given a lot of credit or respect. I think, and so do lots of people, they deserve much respect.

Remember college is a time to expand your horizons and learn many new things. This goes for sex too. Be safe, be consensual, and have lots of fun. Experiment, explore your boundaries, read about sex, and fuck, fuck, fuck.


Happy fucking Antioch and I hope you all enjoy Fall term and each other!
Sunday, September 10th, 2006
9:11 pm
Sorry it took so long to put this one up. I'll be writing for the record again this term...
Hello Everyone,

First I want to say thanks for having me this term. I've enjoyed writing for you all and hoped that I could provide you we some fun sex ideas. See you in the spring.

This column is glorious celebration of al l those who have female bodies. We will spend some time talking abut the wonder of the female body and the wonders that can be realized during fucking. We, female bodied people, can squirt, can handle fists in our cunts, and take some serious nipple torture. These are amazing things to experience, top or bottom. Of course, many of the activities can be applicable (and enjoyed)) for male bodied people without much difference. I am just choosing to focus on female bodied people. We need to be given more space to celebrate our wonderful bodies. Here's to us!

First things first: Knowing your anatomy is a good thing.

The G spot , Gräfenberg spot, is the center of the ejaculatory process. This is what you're after. I'll show you how to reach it. It is important to talk to your partner. All people experience their g spot differently. They are the only expert on their bodies.

Now imagine a female bodied person on their back . Next take your imaginary pointer and index fingers and slide them inside their cunt. Make sure your wrist is facing up and gently (or roughly) stroke the inside of the wall in a "come hither" motion. The spot should feel different, a bit rough.

Some people can ejaculate from stimulation here. Not everyone can, but I think it's worth giving it a try. It take relaxation, firm strokes, and even sometimes toys. Do what works for you and your partner. Don't worry about feeling the need to pee, chances are this means you are on the right track. Hang in there and give cumming a go. This take practice and time. Please don't get discouraged, work on your PC muscles. This will help aid the process. Next time you take a piss stop your flow. Those muscles are your PC muscles. You can contract these any time you want and no one knows. It will turn you on and build your cumming strength.

Lesson #2: Taking it to an extreme's is fucking hot!

What is hotter than the idea of putting your whole fist in someone or having a whole fist inside of you. Cunt fisting is amazing. Anyone who has had a fist inside them or put their fist inside of someone can tell you. Two words, mind blowing. Everyone wins, really. Fisting is an art, mush like a lot of sex. It takes time, patience, and lots of lube. Communication is essential. Start slow, get really turned on, have lots of orgasms, then slowly start trying to fist your partner. The more turned on the person is the easier it will be. When you get to the fist, have your wrist up, and make a "duck bill" with your hand. Once the largest part is in keep your hand tight and fingers in. Your hand will find the natural shape to take. Do not make a "normal" fist. Remember to pull out slowly, use lube, and start small.

Lesson #3: Squirting, Fisting, and Nipple Clamps, oh my!

Thanks to Tender Nipples I am proud to bring you some advice on nipple clamps...

Dear Niko,

I've been thinking about nipple clamps recently. It seems like there's a wide variety to choose from. What kind would provide the best sensation without causing potential nerve damage?

-Tender Nipples at Antioch


TN, I would suggest starting simple. Avoid anything with teeth or clothespins just yet. These pinch much harder and teeth are vicious as well. Try out the "Tweezer Clamps" from Babeland. They ere a good beginner toy and do not rate as pinching very hard. Another good way to pick nipple clamps is to test them on the webbing between your forefinger and thumb. Try a few out and start easy. Be mindful that clamps "hurt" much more when taking them off. So the hardest pinch isn't always what you should focus on.

But remember you can always get bigger, badder, nastier ones. If you like it rough and a bit painful you can go there. But I think it's better to start easy and work you way up, than to over estimate and scare yourself away because of pain. They even come attached to chains if you'd like your daddy to be able to pull you around by them.

When playing with clamps try not to over do it. Your nipples are sensitive and should only be help in clamps for around ten minuets. Take care of the areas you clamp try not to repeat places in the same night. Homemade toys are great but be mindful of fluid contact. Clothes pins are not sterile. Try dipping them in liquid latex.

Need to find toys now that you've got a billion ideas and need toys? Try out:

Babeland (www.babeland.com)

They have great toys. They are women /queer owned and operated. They are pro sex and trans friendly. They also have a great "how to" section on their website and great customer support. Good luck on your shopping spree and happy fucking, Antioch!
Sunday, August 13th, 2006
10:20 pm
second to last nookie with niko
Welcome back to another Nookie with Niko. I hope everyone enjoyed the satire issue. I would like to use this weeks column to talk about sex work. I have even the most liberal person shudder at the idea of sex work. Yes it's controversial. It's also interesting and how some people make a living. It deserve a conversation and respect.

First I'll define sex work (much thanks to wikipedia):

A sex worker is anyone who earns their living by providing sexual services. Some use this term to mean only prostitution, although the term is also used by others to refer to other workers in the sex industry such as erotic actors and nude models for pornography, striptease dancers and performers in peep shows, waitstaff in sexually-oriented businesses, live sex show workers, professional dominants, providers of erotic massage and phone sex workers.

So as you can see there is a lot of diversity in the sex working world. The key to being involved is consent. If you are choosing to take part in this line of work, great, but you must have very clear boundaries to begin with. Try sitting down with a yes, no, maybe list (http://darkwhisper.com/Submissive%20BDSM%20Play%20Partner%20Check%20List.htm). While these are geared toward bdsm it will help clarify your comfort levels with different activities. It's important to be very clear and be able to say no.

Some people will try to take advantage of you, many won't. Be sure who you know who you are dealing with. Check reference, talk to other in the community. Know who you are working for. Have a friend go with you or at least know where you are and when. Safety always comes first.

Sex work can be empowering and a positive experience. Check out NoFauxx.com. They do radical porn open to all types of people. They truly celebrate diversity. Are you interested in bdsm? Try out a pro domme. For some cash you can negotiate a scene with a professional. Want to go to a cool women owned and operated peep show. Try the Lusty Lady in San Francisco (www.lustyladysf.com). The place is great and the women are beautiful. Or even if you want to have a threesome (or a moresome) hire a sex worker to come play with you. You won't have to worry abut attachment.


Group sex is another taboo, even though most everyone has had a fantasy about having more than one partner at a time. It's hot. To have two people to attend to you or watch someone ravish another. So many possibilities, so little time. I highly recommend people indulge in their fantasies. Consensually of course.

Groups sex can be tricky. I think it's always better for individuals to play together that for a couple to invite others in. If you are all single there isn't as much jealously to feel. Being in a couple makes this much harder. Not to say some couple can't invite others to play, but it needs to be very clear. Consent, no matter the number of people, always comes first. Never join a group unless you ask. Even then it's bad etiquette to ask during the middle of the play. This also depends on the setting. If you are at a sex party and a group in really involved it's probably not a great idea to interrupt. Feel the situation out. If you feel like it would be interrupting it probably is.

Group sex is tricky to figure out as well. So here you are two hot people at your finger tips. Now what? It's most important to make sure that no one is felt left out. While everyone's attention may vary make sure everyone is involved and happy. Checking in is always a good idea. It can be as simple as saying "Is everyone having a good time."

A lot of group sex that happens is also public sex. Public sex is very hot. Mind you it should be in a space that sex is consider appropriate. Nothing is hotter than knowing people are getting wet and/or hard just by watching you fuck. This is just another good reason to give porn a go. How hot is it to know people are watching you and jilling off.

I hoped you've enjoyed this week's topics. They are both thing that I highly recommend trying. Be safe, be consensual, and have fun. Till next week.
Tuesday, July 25th, 2006
12:53 pm
more fun with niko
Welcome to another Nookie with Niko. I've enjoyed writing for my community and hope to receive more questions before the end of the term. Feel free to submit topic ideas if you don't have a specific question Please take the time to make submissions about sex and sexuality to me or the record box.

This week our question comes from a person trapped in a situation where they have fallen for someone unattainable. We can all understand that.

Dear Niko,

I'm in love with a straight boy. Help.
~Fucking sick of this shit.

First off let me say I feel your pain. I, too, have fallen for those not interested in me because of gender differences. Those most of us have experienced some form of unrequited love. It sucks. Looking for partner, be it sexual or long term, is tough.I wanted to briefly mention assumptions. For the sake of this article. I am going to assume the writer is a queer man. I am hesitant to make any assumptions on someone's gender or orientation, for obvious reason. In no way do I mean any offense, but I want to do that best I can in answering any question that comes my way.

Anyways, especially in a small community like Antioch. There aren't many options, especially for the gay men around here. I am personally surprised at the lack of queer boys here, as I'm sure many others are too. Come find me I'd be happy to go to the gay bar in dayton, Masque, with you. Not saying that will solve all your problems but at least there will be more than 3 gay boys.

I'm curious to know if the straight boy knows about your feelings. Sometimes people who identify as straight (or gay for that matter) are willing to try other things, if the circumstances are right. It might make some sense to weigh the options. Yes, this could go horribly wrong. So be wary, but I think it's worth consider. I'm not insinuating that you should try to convert him (even though you would be able to get a toaster oven out of the deal), but that a conversation may end differently than you expect. trust your judgment and instincts on this on, because I don't know him. You do.

I would also recommend broadening your search. Try to find some queers other than those ones at Antioch. This is a scary prospect, being from Ohio, but there are quite a few queers in good old Ohio. Try traveling to Columbus or Cincinnati. Both of them have numerous queer bars and a thriving queer culture. Not to mention that co-op is a great time to take advantage of your surroundings. Go to San Francisco. There are so many queers there. Antioch gives us the privilege or travel. Try going someone really gay.

I truly undertones the lack of potential partners. As a trans man in Ohio I personally am terrified of trying to pick anyone up, queer or not. Also bear in mind that college is one period of your life. Before you realize it you'll be off in the real world. Best of luck!
12:53 pm
Another Nookie with Niko
Hi. I am very excited about this week's question. It is one of my favorite topics related to sex. It's a bit of a taboo for many people, but those always make for the most fun. So I hope you enjoy and I'll see you next week. Please submit questions to me in Community meeting or via email. Thanks

Dear Niko,

I'm interested in trying anal sex. Any advice?

Anxiously awaiting anal

Triple A,

Anal sex is great fun when it's done right. Here are some good rules of thumb:

*If it hurts slow down or stop

*Lubrication is your best friend. There is no such thing as too much lube and anal sex

*Take it slow, start small, work your ass up

*Be able to say no, or enough, if it becomes too much

Another part of preparing for anal sex is also being comfortable with area of your body. Some people are nervous about the anal area, due to feces or shit! Fear not. A quick shower, a black condom, or even an enema will help to assure you of no worries anal sex. A quick note about enemas, make sure to do it two to three hours prior to anal sex. They dry you out your rectum and it needs time to hydrate itself. This is the reason lube is so important. The asshole is not self lubricating, unlike the amazing cunt. So use lube, it will be much needed.

Communication is essential. You must trust your partner to stop if you say so. It's important to remember that you must stop, or slow down, if it hurts. You can cause more damage in the anal area. On top of communication relaxation is essential. There are two sphincters you must relax to enter the anus easily. The external one is controlled by you and is eased by pushing out. Pushing out (yes, like taking a shit) will help relax the external sphincter and make penetration easier. The internal one will relax with gentle coaxing.

The best way to coax that internal sphincter into relaxing is to start with small things. Fingers (gloves recommended) and butt plugs and great toys. Be gentle, start slow, lots of lube, and work in a finger. Make sure to be talking with you partner. Then move up to two fingers or a plug. If your end goal is a dildo or penis being used for penetration slowly work up to about that size. Some people don't like anal sex , but love anal play. Anal play is not just one activity. There are many options of play in the anal arena. Ask if they like fingers, plugs, beads, or other things. Beads are great. They are slowly inserted, the beads getting larger as you near the end of the toy. When someone is coming, or close to, slowly (or some like it quickly) remove the beads. It's fucking mind blowing!

Why would anybody even try anal sex? Amazing orgasms and exploration are two pretty good ones in my opinion. Many female bodied people enjoy anal sex. It is another way to reach the g-spot. Which feels oh so nice for many people. For me, it's hot. It's makes me feel like a serious tranny fag, which I enjoy..On the other hand many male bodied people-enjoy anal penetration because of the p-spot, or the prostate. For some people it's the taboo or the control. Everybody has different reasons, but the consensus is fucking assholes is fun.

Of course we must talk about safer sex and anal play. Condoms are important, as anal sex has a high rate of STI transmission. Silicone toys are best, anything else should have a condom on it. Be mindful that anything you put in your butt should have a flared base. Your muscles will pull a toy right in and it won't come out easily. So please use toys with flared bases.

Another great reference and sexpert, know as the anal queen, is Tristan Taormino. This woman know everything about anal sex and loves it. She wants you to love it too. Check out her website (www.puckerup.com) or anther books (True Lust, The Ultimate guide to anal sex for women I and II). She even has classes on anal fisting. She is an anal goddess.So I encourage all of you to go out and give anal sex, or anal play, and try. Bottoms Up!
Saturday, July 15th, 2006
3:47 pm
Nookie with Niko 4 - Transgender Edition
Hi again and welcome!

As a self identified genderqueer transman this issue is near an dear to my little tranny boi heart. I want to remind everyone that every trans person is different. I cannot represent everybody. I will do my best to provide you an accurate overview and some personal insight. Thanks and enjoy!

So, what do you do when the person you are interested in is trans? Here at Antioch we want to do our best support people's identities and treat people well. We do our best to not fuck up pronouns, but it's even more important to hold yourself accountable if you are sleeping with a trans person.

Firsts it's important to talk about how we ask questions. What is appropriate and inappropriate to ask? Here a few personal examples of bad questions to ask:

How big are your breasts/cock?
So you are really a woman/man, right?

Good questions to ask are:

What pronoun do you prefer?
What do you like in bed?

It's scary when the other person's questions are only about your body, not your body AND you. It's called exoticfication, it doesn't feel good. The best thing you can do is treat the person like a person, not a piece of meat. Make sure you are interested in the person, not just the identity.

There are a lot of body considerations when it comes to trans people. It's important to ask what places are off limits. Some transwomen don't ever use their biological parts, same with transmen. Some still love to have them touched. Some always wear a dick, some don't. Everyone is different. It's also important ask how each body part should be touched. For example:

Only touch me above the nipple line
Don't cup my breasts

Don't be afraid, this is so important for a trans person comfort. It's also very SOPP friendly.

A lot of us have different names for our body parts. Here are come examples, at least for the transmasculine spectrum, I have complied from talking with friends:

Man Titties
Man breasts
Man goods
Boy hole (my personal favorite)
Man pussy

For all trans people it's important to validate their bodies, much like you validate their identity. Treat transwomen's bodies as female. Treat transmen's bodies as male. Tell her how hot her curves are, or that she's got beautiful breasts. When in doubt ask! Yes, it's intimidating. But I would much rather haver that discussion outside the sheets rather than in them.

It's also useful to reinterpret how you see body parts. Yeah, I may have been born with a cunt and a clit. But it's my boyhole and cock now. This is how I view my body and expect my partners to respect this. It's about changing how you see things. These terms may also change with time, so check in.

Another thing to consider is a person level of transition. Hormones change your body a lot and affects your comfort level. In my situation, my girlfriend, Mimi has watched me change in way no one else has or ever be able to. She stands by my side and has to deal with all the changes too. She supports me and encourages me. So please be supportive of your trans fuck buddies or partners. It's is also important that we, as trans people, are supportive of how our partners are feeling about things too. For those of us new to hormones our body is in a constant start of transition This is an intense thing for all parties involved.

Not to mention a person's body perception changes a lot. It took me a lot longer to believe I look liked boy than it did for most of the people in my life. It took me forever to get used to Niko and male pronouns. I've gone by Nikki and she for 20 years, it's weird when that shift happens. Amazing but strange. COmmunication and support are the two best things you can do to negotiate sex between you and a trans person, as with anyone. Now to my partner, Mimi Lester.....


Hi all and welcome to the partner-portion of Nookie with Niko. My name is Mimi and some of you might remember me from my brief stint as an Antioch Student in Fall ’05. But now on to what we all care about- how to have sex with a trans person.

I think first and foremost, the bottom line is communication. Communication is probably the most overused word in sex advice articles- but it’s true. You should be able to ask your lover what he/she likes and wants, and respect that, regardless of their sex or gender. Of course, if you are sleeping with a partner regularly, over time you will learn what is and isn’t okay, but at first keep it simple and don’t make assumptions (the same could be said for pronoun usage, gender identity, the list goes on and on).

The most valuable thing I’ve learned about sex and bodies is that the fetus starts out in the same form, regardless of its future sex. As the fetus matures, the extra X or Y chromosome takes affect, testosterone and estrogen are added to the mix, and the genitalia begin to develop towards one end of the spectrum. The binary “male” and “female” are actually just the two farthest ends of a spectrum that has many in-betweens.

The point of all this is that a word is only a word. A clit is what happens to the tip of the penis if there’s no Y chromosome in the fetus. Testes are essentially ovaries; there is a female equivalent to the prostate (called Skene’s gland!). What this means is that whatever your trans partner wants his/her genitals called, they will essentially perform the same function. If you can get over the idea that a clit is a clit is a clit, then anything can be what you call it.

Of course, playing with toys can be a great addition to any sex life, and may enhance the idea of “traditional notions” of what a cock is. I’ve compiled a list of Strap-On Blowjob tips from Sex Toys 101: A Playfully Uninhibited Guide, written by Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah, to get
you started.

-Use a realistic cock… For decent dick sucking you need a sexy number with a clearly defined shaft and head and veins and balls if possible.
-Think psychic dick. Although it’s not a flesh and blood penis, your mind can have a hard on that’s as raging as anyone else’s.
-Do it somewhere nasty
-Put on a good visual show. When you’re sucking, remember that your playmate is getting off largely on imagination.
-Use your hand to push the base of the dick into the blowjob receiver’s pelvis
-If you can deep throat, do it
-Treat the dildo like a real penis
-If you like using condoms… show-off that safe sex trick in which you roll the condom off with your mouth
-A finger in the ass is a potentially mind blowing complement for receivers of any gender
Friday, June 30th, 2006
6:58 pm
Nookie with Niko 3
Welcome to the third installment of Nookie with Niko!

This week I am lucky enough to bring you another question from our own community. Keep them coming Antioch. I am always happy to tackle any question about sex and sexuality

Niko is my name and nookie is my game!

Remember you can submit your questions to me via the Record box during community meeting.



Dear Niko,

Is it possible to have a healthy "friends with benefits" relationship with someone?

-Benefited friend, maybe

Dear BFM,

Let me start by saying YES, YES, YES! You can have a healthy "friends with benefits" relationship. What's better than a friend you can go out dancing with, take them home, and then have no strings sex with someone who you feel safe with. Despite saying yes, it is hard to find a healthy continual relationship that doesn't get tricky. It's also hard to find someone who is willing to commit to the amount of work it take to create a good and healthy relationship. The key is being committed to communication. Communication is essential to working this situation out from start to finish.

First you need to think about and decide what exactly you want out of the situation. Think crystal clear boundaries. What is ok and what isn't?Knowing your boundaries is the first step. Here are some sample questions:

Is it ok with you for for friend with benefits to sleep over after sex?
Are you open to it developing into a relationship or is that absolutely off limits?
Are their any sexual activities that are not comfortable for you in a causal sex setting g?
What will you do it feelings develop on either side?
Is it worth the potential risk to the friendship?


Next you should need to be able to communicate your boundaries to this person, and you should expect the same from them. Discuss everything. After talking if things do not match up then you can do some negotiation.It's good to think ahead about what you are willing to negotiate and what your aren't willing to negotiate on. Also be wary of entering into something if you think this person has deeper feelings for you regardless of what they say to you. No one wants to hurt anyone. So trust your instincts.

I also recommend that you not enter into this type of relationship with a best friend. It's important to spend a decent amount of time apart from you sex buddy, so it doesn't accidently become something you do want to be. If you are anything like me I spend a lot of time with my best friends, it's better to keep best friends and sex separate.

Then if it all seems good between you and your friend than you should negotiate sex. Use the SOPP. You aren't done as soon as you decide it's a good idea to have sex. Sex means something different to everyone, especially here at Antioch. The most important thing you can do is to not keep anything from the other person. If feelings do develop down the road, talk about it. It's hard to deal with things when people don't know.Trust and honesty are indispensable in this situation.

I would suggest reading "The Ethical Slut," by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt. This book is chalk full of great ways to maintain a healthy relationship, regardless if that a monogamous,polyamorous, or friends with benefits relationship. It's a great read and talk a lot about the communication needed in any type of relationship.

Good luck and happy lovin!

Niko
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